Advice for Novice Crocheters (or should that be Crocheteurs??):

1. When the Little Voice in Your Head whispers, “This isn’t working!”, listen to it the first time or it will morph into the Giant Booming Voice of Doom which will roar in your ear for the next three days, “I told you it wasn’t working!! If you’d listened to me you would be halfway to a blanket by now instead of only Row 8 on your THIRD attempt!!!“

2. No matter how much of a Card-carrying Smart Arse you are, and no matter how much like Sanskrit you think crochet patterns look, you SHOULD use a pattern. Making it up as you go along is only clever if you SUCCEED.

3. Mistakes made in Row 1 DO NOT magically disappear by Row 6, no matter how many deals you attempt to strike with God. In fact, they breed overnight. It is possible (nay, probable) to begin with 310 stitches and end with 337. If I had kept going I could have made a charming Christmas Tree Skirt.

4. Read what other successful crocheters are doing. They have all sorts of useful information if only you take five minutes to read it. It will save you at least three days of tantrums, pouting and aching hands. Thanks to some flickr ripple-alongers I found this pattern. Now, if I can figure this pattern out, anyone can.

Here endeth the Lesson.