Shula and Syko have both tagged me for the Random Things about me meme. Well, I did this once before but you know how I just LOVE to talk about myself so this is hardly a challenge. Sit back, relax and prepare to be enthralled…

1. I don’t swear very often. But when I do swear, you can know for sure that I have chosen to use those words and I mean it. I also quite like the horrified look on my daughter’s face when I do. Parents should appall their children from time to time. I remember as a ten year old being shocked when my mother broke a casserole dish with that night’s dinner in it and exclaimed, “Oh damn!!” (Yes, that was Extreme Language for my mother)

2.For twenty years I have been overweight and, quite frankly, it pisses me off. I think I know why I gained weight in the first place, but I can’t seem to shake it now. I’ve had a couple of good attempts in the past few years. Twice I’ve lost ten kilos. Twice I’ve put it back on. I hate it. H.A.T.E. IT!!!! I need to lose about thirty five kilos. That is a crap-load of fat. I don’t talk about it much because people who whine about needing to lose weight annoy me.

3.I’m a total hypocrite. I say that plastic surgery is shallow and terrible. But if it was offered to me free, I’d be horizontal on that gurney before you could say “Sharpen the blade, Nurse.”

4.I put a lot of energy into biting my razor tongue. My anger usually comes out as bitey sarcasm. Not very attractive, but there you go. It takes a hell of a lot of effort to be Nice and, as I get older, I’m giving in to my snarky side more and more often. I’ll probably end up one of those nasty old women with more opinions than friends. Seriously, though, I feel as if I’ve spent my whole life being NICE and I’ve used up all of my Nice Quota.

5.My house is always a mess. But then if you’ve known me for more than an hour, you knew that already. I’m too busy to clean. I resent spending time on temporary stuff. Like cleaning stuff that will be dirty again tomorrow. Or putting away things that someone else will take out again in ten minutes time. There are books to be read and films to watch and there’s love to be made, people!!!

6.The older I get, the fussier I get about material stuff (like having down pillows and Egyptian cotton sheets) and the less I care about what other people do. I don’t care if you are into rubbing a budgie over your stomach while you have elevator sex with a stranger, just as long as I can have a cashmere throw for my sofa because polyester is just nasty. I’m not sure what that’s all about but I think it’s like when geriatrics don’t care about war erupting in Eastern Europe because they are busy eating a chocolate biscuit right now and, man, that chocolate tastes good. Besides, maybe my morals are sliding south or something, but what is so bad about elevator sex with a stranger? It could turn out to be Ralph Fiennes and how many of us would boot him out at the second floor? (Yes, Mother, I know you would!)

7. I have a very black sense of humour and often I will be the only person laughing, surrounded by people who can not believe that anyone would find THAT funny.

8. I’ve felt out of step with most of the world for my entire life. It’s like I live in another dimension and I just visit the real world sometimes. My interactions with people often feel very shallow and superficial to me. I LOATHE small talk. Hate parties and balls and dinners. My close friends are the ones I can just be with; the people who don’t demand anything of me. Fortunately for me, I feel understood by my immediate family and my husband. Occasionally Peter will shake his head, but usually he just smiles.

I can’t remember how many things I was supposed to write about. Probably less than eight, but 6 and 8 don’t make much sense anyway so they don’t really count (if you figure out what they mean, let me know).

I don’t usually tag people for memes but some of you don’t reveal much about yourselves and the curiosity is killing the rest of us. So spill ya guts, Rooruu, Dy and Anina. And Sussanah, you, too, because you’re new-ish and
we haven’t got enough to hold over you yet.