Lion Taming for Beginners « twolimeleaves

I’ve been MIA for a while, I know. We have been planning on opening the business on 1 October (two days after Peter gets home!) so I’ve been wrangling sub-contractors at the office. Oh. My. Goodness. They are a scary bunch. As two-faced as the 14 yr old Queen Bitch at any girls’ school.

First Contact -
Me: I need you to come on ___day and do ____. Can you do it and how much will it cost?
Large Intimidating Criminal-Looking Smelly Subbie: Yeah, of course, Love. No worries! I can pull some guys off the Other Job down the road and be here and gone in one day. It’ll cost $732580235.00 on completion, “through the books”. (NB: this is an ACTUAL quote - “through the books”. Am I supposed to be impressed by his honesty???)
Me (hyperventilating over price but desperate enough to crush own feelings of Being RIPPED Off): Great. I need a firm commitment from you on this because I have other guys to organise too.
LICLSS: She’s right, Love. We’ll be here. In fact, you tell us the day - we can do it any day you want this week.

Third/Fourth/Fifth/Sixth/Seventh (you get the picture) contact -
Me (firmly but calmly): You said, “blah blah blah but now you are telling me blech blech blech”.
LICLSS (leaning over me in ever-so-slightly threatening manner): Now just a minute, Love. I made it very clear that jwegrt9p814615t9[#@G(*^_&T$. I said we’ll be here June 2008 and we will be. By the way, Where’s the 98% deposit we asked for?

I can now see that employing these guys is like having a pet lion. They may act like big kittens when you first meet, but turn your back and they’ll tear you apart. Then claim that it’s what you asked for in the first place.

Thanks everyone for the wonderful, enthusiastic messages of support and encouragement! And, thanks too, for the great discussion on my last post. I love you all, too

23 comments

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September 24, 2007 at 10:20 am

Leanne

Oh the joy of working with tradesmen. We had one turn up days late because his wife had had a baby and he had been out celebrating!!!! I’m sure he thought he was the only man ever to have produced an off spring. I did mention to him that my husband had managed to see both my children born and go to work the next day. This went completely over his head.

September 24, 2007 at 10:21 am

rondabeyer

Aren’t they the best, “NOT”….. They will show up half asleep work a couple hours then go to lunch then will show back up a few days later… UGH, I feel for you, been there, done that….. I am amazed they can stay in business…. It will all work out in the end, just do not let them say, “Oh, well didn’t I make it clear that the first quote I gave you was just an estimate now the real price is $2980674***0987623*7@.00, sorry Love, that is just standard business practice, cover yourself on this one….. Wishing you better days with subcontractors!

September 24, 2007 at 10:34 am

Tanya Brown

Oh, my goodness! You have been busy!

I wish you the best in dealing with the subcontractors. Hopefully it’ll be like childbirth, painful and messy for awhile but with something wonderful to show for it in the end. And, speaking from a selfish point of view, you’ll have some entertaining stories from it.

September 24, 2007 at 12:17 pm

chronicler

My favorite commercial was about truth in advertising. It showed a construction dude explaining the rules of the game to a householder: “okay we’re going to be here for three days tearing your kitchen apart. We’ll hang some plastic sheeting to keep the outside out, tell ya we’ll see you tomorrow and then disappear for say about six weeks. Then we’ll be back for another couple of days. You of course need to pay us up front 80%”. It was hilarious, because that’s really how it is.

Good to hear you’re staying busy!

September 24, 2007 at 2:07 pm

Stomper Girl

Be brave then, lion-taming is all about front.

September 24, 2007 at 2:42 pm

peppermintpatcher

You’re just a girl. They expect you to either be a bitch or to cry. There is no middle ground.

September 24, 2007 at 3:43 pm

Meredith

Dont let em smell the fear! Staunch vibes heading your way!

September 24, 2007 at 5:33 pm

nicolette

Good luck with your sub-contractors. It reminds me of the installation of our new kitchen, some years ago. They estimated a price, we signed and had to pay 90% on forehand (or we wouldn’t receive 5 year guarantee) and afterwards there were all those extra costs. A lot of things even never really have been finished in spite of numerous complaining. I had to deal with it alone, because MSM was travelling. They thought they could fool around with me, being a woman. Well they have seen my bitchy side!!

September 24, 2007 at 7:57 pm

Tanya

I’m hyperventilating just reading that (and I have the flu - or my version thereof - so hyperventilating is really not good for me).

I’d do the work for you for just a cup of coffee… if I could

Hope it all gets sorted out without too much grief soon.

September 24, 2007 at 8:00 pm

Ali

No turnie uppie, no cashie. That’s the rule here! When they do appear, I fawn over them and make them a gazillion cups of tea to make sure they come back to finish the job. Stress!!!! Poor you.

September 24, 2007 at 8:19 pm

Sarah

What menaces. But I suppose “accidentally” setting fire to their eyebrows would put *you* in the wrong. Hmmph, life’s not fair.

September 24, 2007 at 8:54 pm

Erilyn

On NO account are you to bribe them with food - they will never leave then! When we had the deck built (2 guys, really nice, did a great job and all) I was informed that they didn’t work when it was raining. But, when the weather was absolutely frigging fantastic - where were they? Around the corner of the house in the shade. because it was too hot to work!!!
Sorry Kirsty, you are not going to win. Put on the red high heel shoes, some lipstick and stand up to them - ’cause you’re the boos and paying them!

September 24, 2007 at 10:49 pm

h&b

ugh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you get a nice serve of bum crack and B.O. with that ?

September 24, 2007 at 11:48 pm

pricklypearbloom

holy moly! And I thought I was stressed out!

September 24, 2007 at 11:49 pm

Maddy

As a bank teller working in the western suburbs of Melbourne I see these mongrels each Thursday, “tradies pay day” and believe me they will try anything to get their business cheques cashed, (these should go into their business accounts so they can pay their taxes like the rest of us). They try to intimidate, push around, bully and as a last resort even “sweet talk” their way into getting what they want.

Trust me, shoulders back, head up, a warm smile, a little ooh la la perfume and then look them straight in the eye and tell them “that’s not good enough, now here’s what you’re going to do for me today … sweetheart”.

If this doesn’t work, send for me, I can be on a Jetstar flight by noon tomorrow and I’ll put the buggers in their place. You stick to ya guns love, it’ll be sweet!

September 25, 2007 at 1:17 am

Melinda

I think they have to pass a test to be subcontractors: Good liar? check…. bad teeth and/or breath? check….. allergic to bathing? check…. drink and smoke too much? check…..

That was the worst part of building our house! The painters were drugged out and did a crap job…. I finally told them not to come back, even though we had already paid them. We finished ourselves. The cabinet guy was a part-time preacher and the biggest liar of all! I’ve got it ready… but I’ve been sick… or my wife is sick… or my kids…. or no, actually, I don’t have it ready. GRRRRRR! You’re going to have to channel your inner bitch and smack these jerks around a little.

September 25, 2007 at 1:18 am

twiddletails

Good luck taming the lions. Have them put their paw prints on everything.

September 25, 2007 at 2:01 am

velcro

It’s not just workmen who do this. My landlord knocked a hole in the path just outside my frontdoor because the bricks were subsiding and said that he would send his men along to fix it….. we’re still waiting

September 25, 2007 at 4:56 am

amandajean

oh, have fun with that! good luck with the scary guys.

September 25, 2007 at 8:30 am

Isabelle

Oh dear, poor you. I imagine they’re cousins of the chap we’ve been trying to get to fix our roof… Be strong. This may not help, but at least you’ll have a… strong… feeling about you somewhere.

September 25, 2007 at 11:03 am

Felicia